|Sunday, March 9th, 2003|
9:26 pm - The following preview is rated M for moronic.
Announcer: They were stupid..|
Voice: Oo ee oo ah ah.
Another voice: I'm blind. I'm actually blind.
Announcer: and in search of reason.
Joe: ...actually, it was an engineer we were after.
Andy: ::eating popcorn:: Shh. You're ruining the preview.
Announcer: Shut up both of you......Andy and Joe return in...Andy and Joe Strike back. Invading soon in a journal near you.
(visit the new website at http://www.livejournal.com/users/aandjstrikeback/ )
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|Friday, February 15th, 2002|
11:40 am - not a part of the story but may relate in some ways..
((real joe: hi guys. i know what you're all saying "where the fuck is the next post?" well i'll tell you- it's right here. i mean, yeah, it's not a REAL post, but it does kinda relate.. i mean there was the hooters gear... anyway mike has a great picture on the web and i saw it and wanted to post it.. andy, please don't kill me... it's funny, and you know it...|
natalie: it's a pussy!
real joe: ...i guess..))
current mood: amused
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|Thursday, January 3rd, 2002|
8:41 pm - Chapter 9- WHAT!?
((::enter the announcer:: when we last left off many moons ago joe and andy had quested out for women, been to hooters and then escaped from it, bummed a ride home from buzby and aj, slept at andys house, unsuccessfully showered and now find themselves at a party. joe is in the bathroom. natalie, diana, mike, gaelen, jordan, doug, allie, chris and james had all entered the house and andys room which andy is currently lying on the floor of. join then now as them get the storyline straight, try to keep it funny and make the first andy and joe post of this year!!!)) |
Andy: ::picks self up off ground:: What's up sluts?
All: What's up lady?
Andy: ::thinking to self:: Where the hell have I heard this before?
::while in the bathroom::
joe: ::bathroom experience ends, washes hands, steps out:: [[well i could go help andy.. or i could hide.. decisions decisions..]]
::back in the room::
gaelen: andy.. we must talk
Andy: I'm fearing this talk already.
gaelen: as you should ::glares at chris, natalie, diana, mike, jordan, doug, allie, and james::
chris&natalie&diana&mike&jordan&doug&allie&james: ::go into the living room::
andy: ::innocently attempts to follow joe but gets caught:: Eeep, don't hurt me. I'm sorry. I honestly thought Ryan would have at least one cool article of clothes.
gealen: ::smacks forehead:: no dork, the going to hooters, the cross-dressing.. i think we should see other people, people who are heterosexual in my case and not in yours anyway...
joe: hey guys
all of them: JOE!! ::hugs::
joe: ack! no.. air..
::Scream heard from Andy's room::
Andy: I'M NOT GAY!
::and back at the living room where the scream was heard::
joe: ::pained!:: x.x if you let go of me i'll explain..
mob: ::lets go::
joe: it was a long time ago.. ::begins flashing back their story::
gaelen: right, well i'm gonna go someplace.. not here, toodles! ::walks out of room and downstairs::
Andy: Damn. I can't believe such a silly thing could break two people up. All I did was dress in hooters gear and serve tables on our 6 month anniversary, but I had to find that engineer. ::thinks about what he just said:: Wait, a trick! This means I'm single again...Oh behave! ::growls in austin powers-type way::
::while back downstairs::
gaelen: ::storms out door::
all downstairs: ::look and blink::
mike: gee, i sure hope she doesn't get hit by a car while she's out there...
jordan: heh heh, yeah.. mike you're so funny..
mike: ::blink blink::
diana: ::smacks them both:: enough!
joe: ::goes back upstairs:: andy?
Andy: single for only a few moments and I already want a new one...I feel dirty...::smells armpit:: Oh, that's why. ::then notices joe::
joe: riiight, well dude, we could go whoring once you stop smelling.. we both need chicks now.. ::cell phone rings:: hold on dude ::talks randomly on phone:: hey, guess who just got a girlfriend...
Andy: You're mom?
joe: no.. and by the way fuck you. remember that girl who i don't know but may love me and her friend who'll probably kill us all?
natalie: i love joe
jordan: ~-~ we know
natalie: ack, creepy anime face! ::kicks him in the nuts::
diana: alright natalie!
mike: yeah.. i mean hurting jordan is bad but you must have good aim to have hit his nuts...
doug: and you would know how large jordan is how?
::back in Andy's room::
Andy: Yes, I remember those two girls, but seriously, who just got a girlfriend? Chris? James?
joe: no fool. due to the over-whelming amount of porn lines i call i was just called personally by some nude model who, by contract, has to go on a date with the guy who calls her the most! i managed to get her to double for you too, dude, isn't that great?!
natalie&diana: ack, anime faces! ::kicks mike and jordan in the nuts::
james: this is why i don't talk..
chris: shut up james, you'll draw their attention..
Andy: So...we'll have girlfriends... but it will be the same person ::Pictures Joe, Him, and girl all in same bed:: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH ::runs downstairs towards door:: sorry gaelen, sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.
allie: ::walks away from crowd:: [[they're all crazy]] ::run into by andy:: OUCH!
joe: ...we both get a date of our own though..
angel&devil on joes shoulder: ::appear::
devil on joe's shoulder: without andy you can have both of them!
angel on joe's shoulder: he's right, go for it!
joe: why am i not surprised that my angel is bad aswell.. bah, fine i'll have a threesome..
angel&devil: good ::disappear::
joe: i love being evil ::walks downstairs grinning::
Andy: Ouch...Hey, who are you?
allie: allie: joe's ex-girlfriend, friend of gaelen... this is your house though, right?
Andy: Uhh, yeah...This is my house, why?
((announcer: and that is where we pause it this week folks. what will happen with allie and andy? will joe get a three-some? will the others in the living-room do anything important? for these answers and more.. come back later))
current mood: back
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|Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002|
9:22 pm - should i both even mentioning it? yeah.. NOT PART OF THE STORY
((joe: hey guys.. it's me, and it's a new year. we here at andy and joe story are |lazy very busy people. there have been a lot of new changes in how people act that are characters and because of both that working on A&J is very difficult. we're trying to get things going though.. we're not trying hard.. but we're trying
mike: you guys suck.. my story gets updated more, i have won, bwahahahaha!
me: andy.. we both write our own lines so i won't write for you.. but we must prove him wrong.. no matter how bad our next post is we must go on with the show!
current mood: bored
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|Thursday, September 13th, 2001|
1:48 pm - Not Part Of The Story.... Sadly
((real joe: the twin towers are gone... the pentagon is still burning... people this isn't a post for jokes because there is nothing funny about this situation.. this is sad and we at A&J just want to send out our hopes and best wishes to literally everyone as this attack did not just affect those in new york or dc but everyone in america and probably the world.. i'm sorry this post may have brought some of you down who were reading it for a laugh but i don't really feel like that would be appropriate at this time..|
a.j.: yeah, this is suck.. not even ShRoOmS can make it better...
buzby: ....you are not ready
real joe: why do i even bother TRYING to be serious here?
ryan: yo joe, don't be frettin', i'm still down wit' yah no matta what, son!
real joe: ~.~; ..why couldn't one of the planes have hit me?...))
current mood: sad
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|Friday, September 7th, 2001|
10:23 pm - NOT a part of the STORY!
((Real Joe: hey guys, ever see a lot of mistakes in something that you've done while being bored? ever gone back and fixed EVERY, SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF THEM because you were so BORED? ever wish that some of the ASSHOLES on CAMPUS haven't DITCHED YOU so you WOULDN'T BE THIS FUCKING BORED?! well lucky for you guys i was, and since i was bored and in a fix-it mood i fixed a few plot holes and typos that have been hounding me. if any of you spot any please tell me or andy so we can fix them while BORED, also you can re-read the old ones AND MAKE MY WORK WORTHWHILE if you feel the need OR CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL! ...sorry, i have not only been BORED all day but the SODA MACHINE is FUCKING BROKEN and i haven't had any CAFFEINE ALL FUCKING DAY!!! ...expect a real post in a few days, once i get some soda in me.. OK?!|
announcer: whoa.. and i work for this guy? ::in a "must quit my job" sorta way::
Real Joe: WHAT?
announcer: i said "whoa, and i work for this guy!" ::in an enthusiastic sorta way::
Real Joe: ~.~; ....do you have any soda?))
current mood: decaffeineated
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|Wednesday, September 5th, 2001|
8:11 pm - Not A Part Of The Story
((andy: hi, it's me, andy...i just wanted to bring you all to the knowledge that our "fan|
base or "people that don't want to kill us too much" base has now reached as far as california, missouri, and texas...i would like to personally thank all of you for your support...and be sure to tune in same andyandjoestory place...because you never know when the next andyandjoestory post could take place...until then, good fight good night...no wait, that's not it...that's not it...that's it for now, until next time, take care of yourselves and each other...damn it, that's not it either...ah dee a dee adee adee, that's all folks...wait, that's not the right thing either...oh wait...here it is...
announcers voice: this has been a public service announcement...thank you...
current mood: busy
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7:53 pm - Another thing that is NOT a part of the story..
((joe: hey guys, uhm i guess some of you were wondering where all the jokes where in the last post.. well honestly so was i. see i kinda was using the same things you use for html for thought boxes thus they didn't show up.. the new thought boxes are these: [[thought]]. also, as you may have noticed, action boxes are: ::smack!:: and things not related to the story are usually in these: ((stupid non-story stuff)). i hope that clears some stuff up for you. i fixed the mistakes and those of you who are willing to suffer through it again are urged strongly to re-read the last post, laugh at the missed jokes and then comment. remember, don't do this because i know where you all live and george w. has made it easy for anyone to purchase a gun, do it because.. awe hell do it cause if you don't i may have to shoot you. thanks, keep reading and remember to do the following after re-reading the post: HAVE A NICE DAY!))
current mood: Erataish
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|Tuesday, September 4th, 2001|
12:30 pm - College and Camp cannot stop us, thus we bring you: Number 8!
((::cue the announcer...:: |
cued announcer: last time on the andy and joe story our heros had taken time off to relax, heal and bathe, however all that was not to be as, unknown by the dynamic duo, someone or should i say someones had gotten into the house. tune in now to see what chaos unfolds as we bring you avery special, very difficult to write, installment of the ANDY AND JOE STORY!!!))
andy: ::bangs head against closed door:: why here...::bangs head again:: why now ::bangs head again:: ooooowweeeeeeees
::meanwhile, after finishing his dressing maneuver joe hears a sleight thudding, even over the destruction of the phoenix coyotes::
joe: what now...? ::stands up and walks out of the door, into the hall and spots the bathroom scene:: ...this sucks much..
natalie: hey it's joe...I LOVE YOU JOE!!!
andy: ::thinking to self:: [[joe, for the love of god distract them...]]
joe: heh, i love you too ::hugs:: so uhm.. what bring you here?
natalie: it's saturday and andy mentioned a party so.. yeah
joe: good reason, have you seen andy yet..?
andy: ::thinking to self:: [[please joe...please ask if she wants a drink of water downstairs or something...i want to get out of here.] ]
joe: well he should be around soon, who else is here anyway.. we should all head into his room
and wait for him i suppose [[he owes me.. next time evil..]]
natalie: well it's me, mike, diana, gaelen, and oh.. doug and jordan since my brother gave me a ride here.
joe: wow full house... so, shall we?
::they all begin walking into andy's room after the usual hugs and "Yo's"::
andy: ::ear to door::...hmm...it sounds as if they have left ::opens door and walks out:: [[now it's just a simple walk to my room and a quick change and everything will be back to...]] ::hears people inside his room:: [[now it's just a prayer that ryan has cool clothes and everything will be back to normal.]]
::meanwhile, inside the room::
joe: so.. what'd you guys do last night?
gaelen: i saw andy's bony butt at hooters!
joe: ::in fake shock:: really... what was that pervert doing there?!
::Ryan's room a.k.a. Hell::
andy: [[thank god he's not here...]] ::looks through stuff::... argh, you'd think he'd at least have a plain black shirt and plain black pants!
::back in andy's room::
gaelen: lets just say he and i must talk about a lot of things..
joe: well what was he doing there.. and you didn't happen to see anyone who looked like me there did you? because i was busy last night with.. uhm.. homework so it couldn't have been me if that's what you think!
gaelen: he was serving tables!.. and why were you doing homework?.. it's winter vacation...
::while in Hell:
andy: woohoo, a plain black shirt and black pants...i just hope that they don't see the Abberzombie and Bitch or the Tommy Poo-Finger thingies on the tags... ::begins walking towards his own room::
::while inside the room::
joe: uhm.. i was planning for next year, gee.. i uhm.. i have to go to the bathroom! ::hops up and runs for the door, opening it as quickly as possible::
::while just outside::
andy: ::putting on shirt as he walks through hall:: what's that sound...sounds like an elephant coming my...AGAH ::gets trampled::
joe: ::looks down:: andy.. with foot prints all over his body... whoops.. ::pulls him up and dusts him off: hey buddy, uhm.. i gotta go to the bathroom, uhm.. why not go in there and catch up with gaelen?
andy: who are you? ::looks around:: where am I?...and what's with the stars?
joe: i'm joe, ::points to the room:: that's your room, in there is your girlfriend and other people.. uhm, you should be able to figure the rest out by yourself.. now i must go use the lavatory.. ::walks off to the bathroom::
andy: ::walks into room::
everyone in room: ANDY!
andy: AHHHHH ::turns back to run in fright, but hits a lot of wall:: oof!
joe: ::hears knocking:: someone's in here!
((announcer guy: and so this post which was never officially finished tells more of the saga live by the ones known as Andy and Joe. be sure to read later as we see what else happens now that our writers are back, have posted an unfinished post and are more hilarious [[and desperate for good material]] than ever!))
current mood: accomplished
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|Wednesday, August 15th, 2001|
8:50 pm - NOT PART OF THE STORY!!!
((Real Joe: hi guys, I'm sure by now you guys have noticed a lack of updates, well there is a reason behind that, see my co-writer and the main star of the story Andy went to camp in real life. we were planning on writing something while he was there but we failed horribly so now my friends you'll have to wait a little, but fear not for the new A&J posts are guaranteed to not only be funnier but a proven source of all your daily fiber requirements!))
current mood: awake
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|Tuesday, June 12th, 2001|
6:11 pm - WE"RE BACK, NOW WITH NUMBER 7!!! (andy was wrong about the number of the last post, but still alive)
::setting: andy's room::|
((::once again the announcer's omnipotent sounding voice can be heard:: previously in the andy and joe story many amusing events had occurred. the duo had not only escaped hooters but also andy's brother and mother. the two slipped off to andy's room to rest so that they could once again continue their hunt for the wicked engineer and the girl who joe does not know but may be in love with... ))
andy: ::wakes up:: AHHHHH!!!...oh, it was just a dream...
joe: ::woken up be andy's yell:: damnit.. i was asleep and so happy, why'd you go and wake up.. and more importantly why'd you do it so g-d'd loudly?
andy: sorry joe. you wouldn't have believed the dream i had. we were at hooters and then we had to dress like them and our friends were there. and then buzby drove us home and you saw ryan naked. ::gets out of bed, still wearing the hooters gear, and stretches::
joe: ::covers his eyes:: damn you and your naked family!
andy: what, i'm dressed...i can tell because my shirt is choking the heck out of my neck...heh, that rhymes...i'm gonna go take a shower
joe: fine ::shudders:: ugh i think those pants actually look tighter than before.. hey can i take one too? like is there another shower i can use.. one your brother has NO access to?
andy: ::eyes still not completely open:: yeah, it's in my mom's room...she's out shopping cause today's a saturday, so mom's out shopping
joe: your mom's out shopping.. ok, heard you the first time. so then we'll regroup here in about 20 minutes after showering and plan for the day, deal?
andy: okey dokey neighbor...oh, and one last thing...the knobs on that one are wierd...hot is cold and cold is hot...remember that ::starts heading towards regular bathroom::
joe: gotcha ::walks to other bathroom, strips and goes into shower:: now lets see the hot is normally.. wait which is it normally.. damn. oh well 50/50 odds...
::cut to the other bathroom and andy in hooters gear::
andy: ::opens door:: okay andy, it's time to make you look like your sexy bitch self again...::looks into mirror::
::cut to hallway::
andy: ::heard from inside bathroom:: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
joe: ::heard from inside the other bathroom:: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
::back to andy::
andy: either my voice is sounding more like joe's, or joe is distressed...this is a job for ::looks at mirror again:: someone else...hope no one saw me like this...::gets ready for shower::
::back to joe::
joe: skin.. red. blood... boiling. body heat... reaching critical. i'm going to die.. i'm going to... mmMmm... actually this isn't that bad.. like a steam room only with magma instead of water.. now if only ryan wasn't watching me.. wait.. ryan watching me?
::cut to the andy's bathroom again as another scream is heard followed the sound of something heavy being thrown and a door slamming::
andy: hmm...joe seems to be going through hell in there...must be because my mom is out of shampoo...speaking of shampoo ::reaches into closet:: i need some of you today...and a towel...and...where's my robe?
::back to joe's bathroom::
joe: AND STAY OUT! now back to burning off my skin...
::and now to andy's bathroom::
andy: this is not good...i can't leave this room without my robe...this towel won't fit around my waste and my only other choice is...no, not the hooters gear...FUCK!
::back to joe...::
joe: no shampoo.. fine. i can use soap ::begins scrubbing, bubbles get in his eyes:: fuck! ::begins rinsing them out:: on second thought i'll just be dirty...
::back to andy::
andy: wait...the showers don't work at the same time...if i turn mine on, we'll both have burning hot showers...i guess i'll wait until joe is out...hmm... ::sits on toilet seat:: i'll just wait here
joe: ::finishes showering and dries off, putting on his clothes from yesterday:: yeah.. definitly gonna be dirty today.. ::opens door and steps out::
ryan: ::hit with door and falls back::
joe: ARGE, CAN'T YOU EVEN BE CREATIVE!? I MEAN THIS IS JUST LIKE PSYCHO ONLY THE GUY IN THAT WAS.. oh dear god...
ryan: yo son.. it ain't like dat.. ::in worried voice:: i was just.. :looks at watch:: yo i gotzta bounce, lata! ::runs out of hall::
joe: so.. so dirty...
andy: hmm...sounds like he's out...i guess i'll hop in really quickly and then try to figure out what i am gonna do from there ::begins to take off shirt::
andy's mom: ::from downstairs:: one minute...andy...::voice muffles as the shower is turned on::
andy: what mom, i couldn't hear you...oh well, i'm pretty sure she was just telling me to clean something anyway ::finishing undressing and gets in shower::
::back to joe::
joe: ::wonders into andys room and turns on play station 2:: oh the destructive power of 16 year olds playing a digital hockey game.. ::digital hockey chris checks a random member of the phoenix coyotes, crippling him:: sweet... oh so sweet... no ryan... sweet..
::back to andy, a knocking on the door is heard::
andy: hold on ::turns off water:: joe, i'll be there in a second...hmm...i guess i'll just put these back on for now ::gets back into hooters gear::...he's already seen me in this, and it's better than risking a small towel falling off me...::opens door:: now, what did you wan-...uhm...hi ::quickly re-slams door::
((::and now the announcer... again:: who is this at the bathroom door? what new adventures await our heroicly heroic heros? find out next time here at the Andy and Joe Story!))
current mood: accomplished
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|Thursday, April 12th, 2001|
12:27 am - PART 5 ((unless andy is wrong, in which case he will be killed))
((::announcer again:: when we last left our forgotten favorites they had escaped from hooters and bummed a ride to andys house from buzby and a near death aj. we join them now on the steps in front of andys house as fate has dealt them a wild card... andys mom)) |
joe: ::whispers to andy:: we're screwed..
Andy: stay absolutely still, mom's can sense fear.
Mom: Where the hell were you?
Andy: Damn it
joe: andy watch your mouth infront of your mother.. honestly.. ::shakes his head::
andy: hi mom. joe's sleeping over aaaand...hey look over there ::points towards back of house and runs up stairs in opposite direction::
ryan: ::lispy voice:: why hello andy!
andy: AAHHH!!! get your pants back on
joe: i'm blind.. i'm actually blind!!! ::grabs the back of andys shirt:: lead me away.. please.. take me somewhere far away from ::points randomly:: him.. where ever he is!
andy: to my room we go then...::brings joe to room and sets up futon and blanket for joe:: ...wanna listen to some music or something, or are you too disturbed right now?
joe: ::sits and shivers:: so dirty.. oh so dirty... i must sleep.. the rest will purge those wicked visions from my minds eye.
andy: yeah, let's just get some rest...::turns off light and hops into bed:: why am i still in these clothes?
::cut to an hour later::
andy: hey joe, what's your favorite Little Rascal...is it Alfafa or is it Spanky? ::smiles childishly::
joe: ::curls into a little ball:: i hate you so.. you and your brother.. your brother more.. oh you both.. yes you both must die.. hey i can see again.. ::looks at clock:: goddamnit! it's only been an hour!? let me sleep! ::lays on his back and throws a pillow at andy::
andy: why would you want to do that? hey joe, do you like strawberry or blueberry more?
joe: why won't you shut up? ::pulls blankets over her head as his feet are revelved:: i hate being tall..
andy: you're funny joe...hey joe?
joe: ::decides to ignore whatever andy was going to ask:: can i have my pillow back?
andy: ugh...you're no fun ::tosses back pillow::...i guess i'll just have to amuse myself...oo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang...oo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang... ::trails off::
joe: 0.o; ::fluffs pillow:: do i wanna know what you're doing?
andy: i'm singing my favorite song...::continues singing:: ow...::pulls wedgie::...i really hate these shorts...and yet, i'm propelled to live in them.
joe: why don't you get changed and i'll go to sleep? then once we wake up we can prepare for tomorrow night...
Andy: What are we gonna do tomorrow night, Joe?
joe: the same thing we do every night andy.. TRY TO FIND YOUR TRAIN OF THOUGHT AND TAKE IT BACK FROM THAT EVIL ENGINEER!!!
((::fade out...music - they're andy, they're andy and the joe joe joe joe...::
::cue the announcer voice:: and so we leave our resting rogues as they dream of old cartoons and wonder how long it will be until they get sued...
real joe: SHUT UP!! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!! goddamned announcer...))
current mood: aggravated
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|Wednesday, April 11th, 2001|
1:45 am - PART.. WHAT NUMBER ARE WE ON AGAIN?
((::cue the announcer again::|
announcer: when we last left our long lost losers they had escaped from hooters and were traveling in the wrong direction in a failed attempt to walk home. we join them now as a strange car approaches them))
joe: why is a car pulling up?
andy: because i look like a whore...or they like men...pick one.
joe: ::rubs his chin in a way that would look cool if he had a goatee:: whores. you don't look like a man ::begins walking toward the car::
andy: i meant you, you slab of meat...once they have fat, they might never come back... heheh... wow, i'm funny when i'm dying
joe: well hurry up and die then.. and as for me.. well yeah then whore and man work. ::stands in front of car window:: hello?
???: can i have a 'dogie?
andy: dogie!?...that can only be one person...
joe: dude, good seeing you... why are you here?!
???: ::rolls down his window and is revealed to be ::cue drum roll:: BUZBY:: joe i am so hungry it's not even funny.. dude gimme a ciggy? i am like dying for one!
Andy: NO! They're keeping me warm...just like that car is for you
buzby: trade you, car for cigarettes
joe: since when do you have a car?
buzby: i traded an eight ball for it ::smiles matter-of-factly::
andy: it's a deal...do you have someone with you, because it looks like you taught the other seat to smoke...that's cool, but a waste of "doggies".
buzby: oh yeah, aj.. forgot about him.. uhm i can't give you the car.. i told him i'd drive him places
joe: why not the doogies for a ride?.. that good with you andy?
andy: ::is already in car:: fine with me...now get yo fat ass in boy!
joe: ::slides in and crushes andy against the window:: watch it twig or i'll be forced to snap you in half.. much.. like... a twig.
aj: i am soooo high right now
andy: ow...butthole, hmm...perhaps i should be careful. ::smacks aj::
andy: i've been meaning to do that for the longest of times.
joe: ::chuckles and then coughs:: ugh.. what have you guys been smoking?!
buzby: dopey dust,fresh coke, insane amounts of crack, silly pot, crazy wacky happy..
joe: ::interrupts:: we get the picture ::coughs again:: ugh..
Andy: It beats being out there...::coughs::...i think i just felt my a piece of lung come up my throat
joe: can you just drop us off at the mall? i can walk home from there...
aj: why not let us drive you home.. sHrOoOoOoMs!!
joe: because i don't trust you with my address..
andy: i don't trust him with the mall...but let's go there...what time is it anyway?
andy: don't make me hit you again...::cough::...i think i'm getting high just from the smell
buzby: it's about 1.. oh shit i was supposed to go pick up some shit about now. anywhere i can drop you guys off in east bumblefuck?
joe: don't you live there andy?
andy: take this road down a few blocks...and watch out for the homeless guy that carries a purse...trust me on that one
joe: whoa.. look how big my hands are ::raises hand in from of face and pulls it toward him and pushes it away:: duuuuuuuuuuude
buzby: ::drives toward andys and hits the homeless guy::
andy: dude...that guy knows what i did last summer... now he'll know what i did this winter... ::takes another breathe:: ...hehehhehehehe did you see that splatter? ...that was... duuuuuuude
joe: i think i'm gonna hurl and the funny thing is.. i like it
buzby: ::huffs and puffs:: give into the drugs joe.. give into them...
aj: ShRoOoMs!! ::falls back and passes out::
joe: X.x; are we there yet!?
andy: aj, if you can hear me, did you even have shrooms today...or any other day...::smacks aj's passed out body::..this is a lot less fun when he's not responding...::keeps smacking him while giggling::
buzby: is this it? ::pulls onto andys block::
joe: heh heh, aj got smacked, DuUuUuDe!!!!!
aj: ::lays there::
andy: yeah it's the house next to the house with the prostitute standing in front of it...hey aj, isn't that your cousin? .........aj? ::looks at aj::, oh yeah, the whole like, dead thing ...forgot about that!
joe: andy can i crash at your place? ::pokes aj:: i'd rather not die in this car with them..
andy: uhm...sure why not, i could use someone to share this headache with, and dying's not cool...::smacks aj again:: but that is...heh, i almost said butt hat.
joe: thanks! ::hops out of car:: i am soo hungry!!!
buzby: you guys ever need a ride.. you know who to call
andy: walking towards house...now all i have to do is find that stupid hide-a-key thing and we'll be inside...i'd knock, but look how i am dressed here...::sees mom's head through window:: damn you fate.
((::send in the announcer::
announcer dude: and so our heros have found sanctuary in a safe haven provided by andy.. but our story is still not done. what evils will be unleashed by andys mom? what effects will the pot have on the food supply in andys house? will andy find his train of thought? will joe find hid girl who he does not know but may love? will andy change out of the hooters gear? for a good portion of the answers to these questions tune in later when we once again attack someones lj with more random hilarity))
current mood: amused
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|Monday, April 9th, 2001|
3:05 pm - NOT a part of the story!
((hi guys, joe here! now we have one rule here at A&J story inc.: all your funny comments are belong to us! this is a short and sweet little thing which i found funny but andy didn't enjoy that much. thanks to jordan for the usage of this story regardless of whether or not you knew about it or ever read it. if you other readers want to know what this is from click the link to a losers story and you'll understand this better))|
::in an alternate universe, not involved in the usual A&J storyline::
jordan: i almost feel sorry for them... ALMOST! Andy and Joe's Story can simply dance for gilder for all i care! WAHAHA! MAY MILLIONS OF MOOGLES EAT JOE!
Nat: That's mean!
jordan: yeah.. poor moogles ^_^ ((this is an anime face, some people draw/write then a lot, since jordan had it when he posted i've decided to leave it aswell))
Nat: NO TO JOE! ::hits jordan in nuts::
jordan: OI! ::falls over:: *_*
Nats: ugh... i really don't care about any of this crap.. you all suck! ::storms off::
jordan: right then... ::staggers:: well i like mike's story. especially the millions of Moogles!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAH! DIE JOE DIE! ::all the girls come out of no where:: Oh god O_O
Girls: Prepare to become strerile!
jordan: I meant Andy!
Nat: THAT'S EVEN WORSE!!! ::kicks him in the nuts::
jordan: ACKEM! ::spits out balls:: i... will... find out.... what Joes does...
JOE: MWHAHAHA! Soon all women will be under my power! lets see... what must i do to ensure victory that i haven't done? ::scratches head and looks over the evil emperors guide to successful world domination:: Killed the comic relief.. but who is that?
Andy: Comic relief? ... hmm... DAMN IT I'M COLD!
Joe: i'm sorry andy, but you appear to be funny... now die.
Joe: i need women!
Andy: is this worth killing a friend?
Joe: ::thinks:: Yes ::shoots::
((heh, thanks jords for the use of that, everyone know that this will have no effect on the real story, it just involved me and andy and i had to post it))
current mood: amused
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|Thursday, April 5th, 2001|
7:09 pm - PART 4
((::cue the announcer:: |
announcer:when we last left our crusading comrades they had narrowly escaped from hooters. Joe had rescued his clothes and left while andy.. was.. in a less flattering outfit. we join them now as they continue their quest for the engineer whom had long ago stolen andies train of thought...
editors' note: thank you natalie for the use of your lj.. whether your head blows up or not))
joe: ::walks down the dark street in his recently regained clothes:: this sucks.. ::kicks a rock::
andy: don't make me kill you and steal your clothes...
joe: ::stops:: oh yeah about that.. you should get some clothes.. you look cold
andy: ::flicks off frozen snot:: yeah, but where can we get clothes...and with no money...
joe: oh yeah.. well you have a buck and i ::ruffles through pockets:: so you have a buck.. well guess you're gonna freeze to death then.. ::continues walking::
andy: do you know any one that lives here in ::looks at sign::...the middle of no where
joe: i think you're dead dude. ::chuckles:: what do you want on your tombstone?
andy: how about..."joe killed this man"...or "he was born, he was cold, he died, he was cold"...why didnt you ask your two fans back at hooters to give us a ride home.
joe: because i hate you trabeck. ::laughes::
andy: i need warmth badly...i can't feel my fingers or toes anymore
joe: that's not the line.. the line is.. ::scrathes his head:: great now i forgot it.. you really know how to ruin a joke.. you and your dying...
andy: sorry joe, next time i'll be sure to watch out for the possablity of making you laugh even though my body is slowly becoming an ice pop ::teeth start to chatter::
joe: alright then, good ::looks around:: where are we anyway?
andy: ::looks at sign on side of road:: "welcome to west bumblefuck"...what? ...we live in east bumblefuck...we've been going the wrong way...::attempts to attack joe but trips on way::
joe: nice.. ::looking down at him:: damn it's kinda cold..
andy: ::in pain:: i think a cracked beer bottle just pierced my scrotum
joe: that's everything i never wanted to hear.. ::turns around and starts walking:: c'mon no point in laying there leaking whatever it is you're leaking.. we gotta get moving.. damn i'm hungry again...
andy: ::slowly gets up in pain:: hey, i guess i over reacted, nothing cut...except the shorts...fuck, that does not look good...hey joe, i found a pack of 100's and an unused thingie of matches on the ground...maybe these will bring slight warmth to me...
joe: yeah smoking should heat you up.. what with the warming effects of cancer and lung disease and all.. ::smirks and continues walking::
andy: cool, i always wanted one of those thingies...hrm...::lights match but wind blows it out::...rrr...::lights another one, but to no sucess::...god damn it...
joe: gimme those! ::lunges at the cigarettes and misses::
andy: ::holding the pack back:: i need these ::match goes out:: damnit!
???: ::drives up, lured by the cigarettes::
joe: a car!, you're saved! ::walks to the approaching car::
((announcer: who is this mystery man? what does he have planned for our frozen freakish friends? why has andy not killed joe yet? find out the answer to most of these questions and the answers to a few questions you didn't want answered in the next exciting post of the andy and joe story!))
current mood: artistic
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|Wednesday, April 4th, 2001|
10:13 pm - PARIT THREE!!!!!... ER PART THREE!!!!!!!!!
((::narrative voice:: time for a poorly thought-up way to get andy out of there and to have a few cheap laughs at our favorite two-somes expence))|
andy and gaelen in unison: what are you doing here?
gaelen: ::beating andy to the answer:: i was dragged here because natalie wanted to rate the girl's butts again ::turns to natalie::
natalie: yeah, we gave you a one out of ten, but i think we can give you an eight now because you're andy... look at that big one though, she gets a 10!
gaelen ::turns to the "big one" ((yeah that'd be joe)) and turns back to andy:: hey, where did andy go?
andy: ::from outside:: HOLY SHIT IT'S COLD!!!
::meanwhile joe was talking to random guy #1 and #2::
joe: ::points to his face:: i'm up here...
random guy #1: yeah, yeah.. y'all say that but y'all put out...
joe: not all women are here for th amusement of you men! ::realizes what he just said:: oh god damnit! ::storms away from the table to behind the bar::
old woman: men these days.. such pigs ::note that this is a very old woman in very tight hooters gear. wrinkly, grey haired, hunched over.. get the picture?:: in my day they had respect..
joe: must.. not.. make.. comment... ::bites his tongue, literally::
old woman: so have you worked here long?
joe: no, it just feels like that...
old woman: i have, i've been waitressing for as long as i can remember...
joe: must.. resist.. senile joke...
old woman: ::jammers on for about an hour in the way only very old and/or very pathetic people can::.. oh my i'm sorry i sometimes get carried away..
joe: ::wakes up:: huh?, nah it's ok... i needed a nap.. i mean i don't mind
old woman: well it was still nice of you, is there something i can do for you?
joe: well i am kinda cold...
old woman: i saw them stash some clothes in the back from two young hoodlums who wouldn't pay their bill
joe: you don't say?
old woman: i do, and if you like i can get you some of their clothes.
joe: but aren't i supposed to wear this ::points to his "hooters gear" then realizes he's an idiot and attempts to cover his tracks:: uhm, i mean.. that'd be nice... can you grab me the big one's clothes?
old woman: of course ::leaves and returns with joes clothes::
joe: thanks! ::grabs the clothes:: you're a nice old lady ::inner thought "can it be this easy?"::
old woman: you're welcome. well i guess i should go pick up my pay check and be on my way.. ::hobbles off::
joe: ::runs into the bathroom, changes and leaves and runs right into andy:: how'd you get out?
andy: ::teeth chattering:: iii rraannn aawwaaaayyy...
joe: well that sounds easy enough..
andy: hhowww'dd yoou ggettt outtt?
joe: lets just thank god for the deterioration of the minds of the elderly. ::looks over andy:: why are you still in those clothes?
andy: sshhuttt uppp...
joe: shall we be off?
andy: ii'mm goggonna ffrrreeze tto deeeathh..
((and so andy and joe leave hooters, a little bit wiser and a little bit nakeder. but fear not, this is not the end of the tale, oh no. there is still andys train of thought to find, the girl joe doesn't know but may love and of course the long and cold walk home))
current mood: tired
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10:12 pm - THE SECOND PART!!!!
((narrator: ::in narrative voice:: when we last saw our questing heros they had accidentally wandered into hooters and ordered food they could not afford. to pay back their debt they decided to act as waiters. in the first few minutes however things turned foul for our favorite forsaken friends.)) |
andy: ::frantically::...why is...why are....what are they...::waitress walks by:: hello...is this some kinda...dah...where am i...no way...no way am i doing that table...no way in hell...the british tabloids will have a field day if i serve that table.
joe: well it's either you or me... and i happen to be a strong believer in not doing anything.. but if you insist on fairness we could invoke the sacred rights of odds or evens...
andy: yeah, that's how we'll do it...you're going down just to let you know, i am the master at odds or even...not once have i lost...
joe: alright then.. let the battle begin ::begins the odds or evens hand motion::
andy: ::begins hand motion but stops:: wait...does the winner of this have to serve the table, or is he the one that is off the hook...because i know that if i win, you're gonna try to get me with the legal mumbo-jumbo
joe: ::shakes hand and puts out two fingers::
andy: ::simultaniously puts out a fist:: ha...rock beats scissors...now go serve that table
joe: damnit! ::takes in a deep breath:: alright.. i guess i had better.. hey wait a minute.. that's rock, paper, scissor.. WE'RE PLAYING ODDS OR EVENS!
andy: ok, fine...let's do everything the way youuuuu want to do it...::begins to shake hand again::
joe: fine... and i call odds.. ::shakes his hand:: and no rock this time... heh, rock.. like your hero/ favorite wrestler, heh heh
andy: what??? oh fuck you ::gives joe the middle finger::
joe: ::puts out two fingers as andy puts out one:: i knew that would work, ha! have fun with ::shudders:: them...
andy: ...huh? wait no fair...besides ...umm..umm... my thumb was up too! there, see it? it's right there ::notices joe isn't falling for it:: ...umm... make it two out of three.
joe: mmm.. fine. i'll take evens this time, ok? ::begins shaking his hand::
andy: damn it i wanted evens again ::gives finger again, this time with the thumb visably exposed::
joe: tough.. you're lucky i'm even giving you the two outta three.. oh and sorry about the rock thing, i know he's not your hero... ::shakes hand:: clancy is. ::puts out two fingers::
andy: what? go to hell!!! ::gives two middle fingers this time::
joe: ::already had two fingers out:: i was hoping you would be smart enough to fall for such a stupid trick.. have fun
random guy #1: no wonder the service here is so slow.. 'll they do is play odds er evens ::chugs his mug of beer::
random guy #2: yeah, but, look at the taller one...that is grade A meat right there...i could just take a bite out of...::other guy looks strangely at him::...this burger.
andy: no wait, i misunderstood...wait, aren't you allowed to use one hand, that means that i only put out one...i was giving the other finger to someone else, yeah, that's it
joe: i didn't say liar.. i say moron.. or atleast i should have. ::hits andy on the top of his head with a beer bottle:: you lost.. give it up..
random guy #2: wow, that big one is aaaall hands
andy: ::dazed and confused:: but mommy, i don't want to go to school today, i want to stay home and bake cookies with you...why stars circle around andy's head for?
joe: because you were just about to go serve that table over there.. now go! ::gives him the order pad and pushes him toward the table::
andy: ::still dazed:: okey dokey...::frolics to table::...hey welcome to hooters, home of the hooters burger, can i taker your orrrder?
joe: ::laughs as andy walks towards... gaelen, diana, natalie, sara, sabrina and ali:: ((note: that's andys girlfriend and a bunch of friends of joe and andy, for more character information go to our info page)) poor fool
random guy #1: hey sexy.. howabout a refill
joe: ...goddamnit.. ::goes to fill the mug::
andy: dah...::drops order pad::...dah...::puts hands over bulge in shorts and bends down to pick up order pad::...ow...::pulls wedgie::
((real joe: how will this end for young andy? will gaelen hurt him a lot? will the girls laugh at him al day? will joe kill the random guy who keeps flirting with him? for these answers and more tune in later.. when me and andy can think of even more funny stuff!!!))
current mood: amused
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10:08 pm - IN THE BEGINING!!!
::setting: the mall::|
mike: i have this girl who insists on annoying me! always "Talk to me mike" or "rp with me mike" i have a girlfriend damnit!!!
joe: hey mike i have no life.. if you ever have a girl who needs a guy to keep her company you know who to call.. heh
::andy appears out of nowhere::
andy: yeah, he does know who to call, and don't worry joe, he has my number
::mike walks away and leaves joe and andy to their usual idiocy::
joe: you already have a girl you selfish bastard!!!
andy: ((i would just like to note that no matter how far this goes it is all just something i made up to scare little kids...like the boogey man or michael jackson)) i don't care, i'm feeling like my mimbo self again
joe: fair enough,. but what if she like smart guys?
andy: we'll have 2-way walkie talkies and you can send up info
joe: and i would give you help in stealing the person i don't know yet may love why?
andy: because with my sexiness, and you're brains, we're an unstoppable duo
joe: true.. but you'll be getting all the action!
andy: well, we don't want to crush the poor girl...remember last time??? besides, maybe she'll have a friend, like in all those pornos that everyone seems to think they live in
joe: hmm... but i love this girl! ..or i may if i ever meet her.. i do not love her friend!!!
andy: fine, i'll take the friend, besides, usually in movies ...this is not related to the porno movies that was mentioned earlier.. it's the friend that ends up being the main character for some reason...either that or the killer, but whatever, works for me...
joe: fine you can have the friend. she may be more important and sexier but she's a killer... oh fuck it i'll take the friend, must have sexy, important, possible murderer... but wait the other one won't kill me and i love.. oh why must i be forced with these choices?!?!
andy: we'll do eenee meenee mynee mo...or something...
joe: indeed, there can be only mo!!!! ..hey, uhm.. if i get the killer will she kill me..?
andy: umm, it matters, if i am the main character, yes...if you have sex with her, yes...if it's the beginning of the movie, yes...if at any point before going into a room with her, you said "i'll be right back", yes...if you are played by a bad actor, yes...if you're the comic releif, yes...if none of this is true you'll probably live...for a while.
joe: i am unsatisfied with this contract.. i am the comic releif, i'm choosing her FOR sex, i always say brb... i think i'll take the one i love, and have yet to meet. you can have the killer...
andy: fine with me, all my major organs froze over a few years back making me unable to be killed by being stabbed or shot. she'll have to come up with one hell of a way to kill me because blood loss isn't a problem when it's frozen...ahhh, the power of always being cold...
joe: damn.. not fair i never get cold. oh the agony of having good blood circulation!!! it denies me sex, makes me mortal.. what a cruel world. hey wait doesn't that mean you can't do anything with the friend since we all know what the cold does to guys "members"..
andy: well, i must admit that it did do a little but my superior wang was not too badly hurt, and what was missing was easily made up...can someone say swedish made wang enlarger
joe: hhmmm... swedish aye?... what's the number for switzerland?
andy: it's a long number...hold on, i'll look for it...ahh there it is... it's 1-800-i-swear-its-not-mine-baby
joe: hmm... ::dials up number:: damnit that's a porn line!.. mhhmmm... not that i'm listening.. oh that's nice.. uhm.. no!, i shall resist the porn for i am in love with the girl i do not know!! ::hangs up phone:: and another thing.. uhm.. hmm.. the sexy phone girl has broken my train of thought.. maybe i should call her back.. uhm, to remember what i was talking about it mean.. heh heh
andy: go ahead joe, you wouldn't want to lose your train of thought...i missed my train and it never came back...besides, talking ain't cheating
joe: ::slams down phone triumphantly:: then we shall find the engineer and kill him with the aid of the the friend of the girl who i love but don't know yet!!! ::picks up cell phone:: uhm.. i may need to make some calls on the way...
andy: ::smacks self in disbelief:: why me??? fine, let's go
((::in deep announcer voice:: and so andy and joe set off to vanquish the evil train driving guy so they could set right all that was wrong and so that joe may have the girl he loves but has yet to meet and andy could have her friend who will probably kill him.
Real Joe: wow, cool voice-over!))
joe: uhm.. where was this train guy anyway..?
andy: ummm...either the train station or hooters...let's check hooters first...heheheh
((::deep announcers voice again:: and so joe and andy set out to hooters.. for purely vengeance related things of course...
Real Andy: please make the voice stop...))
andy: ::inside hooters:: damn it, he's not here...i'm hungry, i saw a pizza place a little down the road, let's eat there.
joe: ..such unholy words... you wish to leave hooters!? .. that train driving bastard is controlling you isn't he? WE'LL CATCH YOU OLD MAN, WE'LL CATCH YOU!!!!
andy: i don't want to eat here, it's a disgrace to women, and it's a disgrace to the men that eat here...it's disgusting that someone would actually dress like these girls just to serve a few hamburgers and...
::cut-scene to andy and joe sitting at table::
andy: ::sighs:: hooter burger please
joe: if only you knew the power of the dark side.. oh and i'll have a hooter's burger, do it well. ::takes out cell phone and hits "redial":: heh heh, hey andy listen to this... ::hands him the phone::
andy: what am i listening too any way??::face slowly turns from slight smile to morbid frown::
joe: uhm... ::grabs back phone:: it was the girl i love yet haven't met... or so i choose to beleive, anyway on to more pressing issues- where is our hooter girl with our food?! i require nurishment to vanquish to evil engineer
andy: yeah really, you girls suck at your
job ::waitress in backround "we know"::...well that girl was very hooterific...remind me to use words that don't have a double meaning next time...anyway, while we are waiting for service, let's discuss what we are gonna do when we find this engineer that we are looking for.
joe: uhm.. i think we should uhm.. hurt him and steal back your thoughts! ::slams down hand on table spilling a cup of soda:: i blame him for this.. him and our waitress who has proven most undeserving of a tip...
andy: ::slowly watches soda fall onto lap:: i don't know who i despise more, the waitress, the engineer, or you
joe: well the waitress deny's you food, the engineer deny's you thought and i deny you ::looks down at andys pants:: a life with dry pants.. so make your choice!! i shall be on the phone while you ponder the outcome...
andy: i'll be right back, my pajama pants that i am wearing underneith these match what i am wearing...well, they match through my eyes and that's all that matters... ::leaves::...... ::comes back with poke-a-doted pajama pants on and puts wet pants into large pocket of coat:: well...?
joe: uhm.. yeah, they look great.. ::hangs up phone:: ::waitress comes and serves them their burger after an hour:: you know i think she likes me...
andy: you say that about every girl you come across...the girl we killed liked you, the girl that you accidently fell on the time we went ice skating liked you, the girl that smacked you at the concert because you touched her butt liked you, all of my girlfriends liked you, hell, in your mind, the prostitute that gave you that std liked you...i could go on if i wanted to
joe: she didn't mean to give me and std.. and anyway look at the way she keeps looking at me, if she doesn't want me why would she keep giving me those sultry looks? ::winks at the waitress::
andy: ::takes dollar out of pocket:: you see this, this is why they do that...they are paid to...and they are tipped because they do...::reaches back in pocket::...and that was my only dollar, you're paying for this meal, i'll pay you back
joe: hey no fair.. i was gonna say that... ::face goes pale:: wait.. this isn't good is it?
::the waitress walks over to the table with a rather large bill::
waitress: so how will you two be paying for this and how much will you be tipping?
andy: ummm...::gets hands out of pockets that he was praying to find money in::...what are the methods that we can pay you in...name every single last one of them...and don't worry about the tip, we'll get to that too...
joe: uhm, yeah i'm willing to work off our debt any way possible ::wink wink::
waitress: ::sighs:: you can serve tables, sell certain body parts, clean out all the bathrooms with a toothbrush or battle each other to the death. the winner will be shot
andy: you know, none of those serve as a healthy idea to our lives at all...
waitress: did you say serve...wow, first guys to ever say that...
joe: remind me to kill you... ::both are dragged to the back and dressed in "hooters gear":: does this make me look fat?
andy: joe, i'm not going to answer that...wow, this is really snug on my ::smacked::...ok, so that was called for i guess...but seriously, is it really worth having a cleavage shirt if i don't have any cleavage...::looks at joe:: smack me again please
joe: yes.. i feel i should.. yet.. oh god ::drops a bottle of beer:: hey andy.. i think you should go cover the new customers... ::grabs two bottles of beer and runs to the nearest table::
andy: sure, where are they seated...
joe: ::points to the new table and then ducks out of site:: may god have mercy on his soul...
random guy: who are you talking to...?
joe: no one now stop looking down my shirt...
andy: ::makes a few uneasy steps towards table, stops to pull wedgie and then keeps on walking uneasily::...hmm, i wonder why joe would have been in such a rush to get out of sight, he acts as if the ::gasps and runs back into the kitchen area:: joe, joe, joe where are you???
random guy: he's mine now, go away!
joe: eep, i'm here ::jumps out from behind table:: andy.. you know who that is right?.. it's....
((joe: sorry but that's all the time we have for tonight. i gotta get to bed before my mom wakes up for work and yells at me. me and andy will continue work on this tomorrow, same joe and andy lj, same joe and andy.. uhm.. story))
current mood: artistic
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